Redha's Journal

     Assalamualikum and good morning. It's been a long time since I've wrote something in this blog. The name of the title is the name of my memory. Ho... That's a little too deep. Okay I'll rephrase it, it is a time of me when I was 14 and 15 years old. The year of me fooling around as kid with my friend Firdaus trying to become a deejay and I mixed all these songs and it firstly turned out to be good. Then as I grew older, it was a funny thing to be proud of when I was younger. I would remix this weird edm genre musics and transfer it to my USB drive. I rode my bike or ran to Firdaus' house and let him listen to it. On regularly Friday, he would come to my house after Jumaat prayer and we would play Slenderman or Amnesia The Dark Descent.

     Just like always, this post is for me in the future. Dear me in the future, where you are right now, how do you do right now is all a matter of time before you'll meet another what so called a disaster. This is some advice for you. You need to prioritize what is a need and what is a want and what to do first. First of all, I am in a state of confusion right now. I am young. I need to swing my life towards the enjoyment a young person should want but I chased for the stars. I chased stuffs only an adult would only want. I don't need that right now. I need to know what I want and what I need. I don't need this, but I want this. Now I know what I have to do but I can't do anything until my heart changes what it wants. I'm an idiot, yeah, I know that. I put myself on the line too much. I put myself as a person who can do stuff others can't. Stupid. Now I'm going to enjoy this single life as a young idiotic boy who will fuck things up really nice and yet sti

  I am losing faith in life. Everything is a lie. Everything is not what it seems. Everything is a blank space that people can write anything they want or desire. I literally losing faith in life. Nothing is true, everything is permitted. Everything is seeming just like they want it to be seen. This is not the government I'm writing about; this is not about religion. This is about people themselves. Clearly somethings comfort you, clearly somethings just make you jump. Making you tell yourself to clear your head from all the shit stuff in this god forsaken world. Stop putting nonsense in my head. Stop telling what I want to know, tell me what I need to know.

  For the time being, I am an asshole to myself. I need to get some rest. I need to know my own potentials in doing job. First of all, this post is for me to read in the future. Dear future me, know that you have tortured your past self by making him mentally breakdown in the middle of life. You forced yourself to say yes to anything people say or ask you to do. Don't do that cause when you not meeting your expectation then you punished yourself for that. Don't. If you can't do it, simply say no. Okay? Good. There's no harm in rejecting. It's not a crime to reject, it's a crime to torture thyself. Next semester just does small stuff. No need to go big. Capiche? Good. Now you must acknowledge your potentials. Know how much you can bounce.

   For the things that I have done, I think that I'll be damned if I didn't give a rat's ass about my life. I'm 20, still single. I was hurt several times and I blinded my eye about that. My friends knew that. My colleagues knew about my pains whereas I ignore them. They know I'm in pain, I lied to myself to think that it's okay. Playing Dota 2 and Overwatch like nothing happened. Studying in class like nothing happened. I gotta to stop lying to myself, it's bad. I give a fuck about my life. I give a damned about my love life. From this, you all know that I'm hurt and been through a lot of break ups right? Yeah, you right.    Hello dipshits, sorry for not posting long since my first semester in the university. Currently in semester 2 in this breezy morning of Ramadhan. Waiting for my partner in crime to play Overwatch together. I can't play Dota 2 because of my low priority 24 hours probation because I abandoned a game because of the WiFi at my host